Jacques of all Trades

Didn’t know this was a problem? Read on: 

Hipster mommies and cool dads, who claim to have a horror of conformity and a thirst for quirky individualism, nevertheless all seem to choose the same baby names.  Why do parents who are making such efforts to move ahead of the crowd end up simply jumping off a groovier bridge?

Maybe it’s because the only thing a hipster hates more than being seen as a hipster is not being seen as a hipster.  So hipster parents know enough to bypass the too-popular Avas and Aidens favored by the great style unwashed, or middle names like Rose and Elizabeth, as standard issue as the plastic bracelet they clamp around your wrist in the hospital.  But they’re afraid to venture into uncharted territory in search of names that might turn out to be uncool in some other even-more-mortifying way.

Here are the first five, click here for the full article:

1. DON’T NAME YOUR BABY AFTER A JAZZ MUSICIAN. No Ella, no Ray, no Miles. Nix on Billie, nyet on Bessie, never on Duke. And did you really think you were going to get away with Thelonious or Django? No and no. Lionel, however, is still genuinely cool.

2. NO NAMES OF GODS AND GODDESSES. We can blame the ultimate cool mommy blogger Dooce for this one. Her daughter is named Leta, which is derived from Leda, who was the mythological mother of Helen of Troy. And then, at the farmers’ market in Madison, Wisconsin, we heard a hipster dad calling to his toddler son, “Stop right there, Odin!” Zeus, Jupiter, Andromeda, and Pandora are all similarly hipster heaven.

3. AVOID THE NAMES OF HIGH-FALUTIN’ LITERARY CHARACTERS. Atticus, anyone? The more obscure and high-minded the character, the more hipster-worthy the name. So you’ll have to stay away from Scout, Daisy, Maisie, Holden and Gulliver. Soap opera character names remain safe if otherwise repellent bets.

4. AVOID THE NAMES OF HIGH-FALUTIN’ WRITERS. This is kind of a thin line. We’d say Auden, Austen, Flannery, Harper, Tennessee and Tennyson are dripping in hipsterdom; Edith, Eudora, and Ellison, still okay.

5. NO NAMES YOU MIGHT USE FOR A DOG. Prince, Duke, Max, Fifi: This kind of I’m-so-cool-I-don’t-care name should not be used for a human, even one you make yourself. Likewise do not name your dog Marian, Frederick, or Patricia.

(via emilyposts:vikax)

And for the more immediately concerned, here’s list of current hipster baby names.