Rick Reilly: Regulars at the gym - ESPN — there are some gems in this piece.
Just as every Five Guys has the same menu and every Tyler Perry movie has the same plot, every gym in America has the same dozen people. Look around! There’s …
Grunting Too Much Weight Dropper Dude. He’s rocking the Zubaz pants, Guns N’ Roses T-shirt, Harley doo rag, weight belt and grip gloves. He comes in every day for two hours without fail because it’s Chest, Arms and Neck Day, which he executes with barbells that he drops from four feet for full head-turning effect. He looks like Conan the Barbarian on top and Conan O’Brien below because every day is Chest, Arms and Neck Day…
Unnecessarily Nude Chatty Guy. He’s the guy in the locker room who suddenly wants to talk to you about the Vikings buck naked and propping one foot on the bench you’re trying to get dressed on. What’s most distressing — as you try to focus on the wall thermostat — is that he has a perfectly good towel in his right hand. All you can think of is prunes…
Sunday New York Times Woman. This is the gal on the recumbent bike in her khakis, black socks and dress shoes who’s pedaling in Super SloMo while reading every section of the New York Times as though they contain a new chapter of the Bible. Her knowledge level of the Syrian civil war is sky high, as is her cholesterol. There’s no point in hoping she’ll get off soon, since she’s got an untouched Sunday Washington Post on the floor next to her… (and so on)
Perhaps because my gym is in my office, we don’t have all the characters, although in a former apartment complex I lived in, there was a version of “New York Times lady” who was also “controls the TV lady.” She didn’t have a tv in her apartment, but she owned a remote control that she brought back and forth from the exercise room, to ensure that she would always be in control, and during the summer, to ensure that she’d always be able to watch the Orioles.
